So ummmmmmm...yea, I wanted my friends to feel my pain today. So what follows is my morning WOTD text to them. Enjoy...
Word of the Day...Gone!
*Singin*
Now I don't wanna make excuses baby... cause that just won't turn you on! No No...
But if there's something that IIIIIIIIIIIIIIII can dooooo yea...won't the manual knooooww?
The time is passing so slow-ly now (tic tic tic tic tic), Guess that's my ride without you (guess that's my ride w/out yooou)
Shit may-be I'll just slap this smel-leee maaaannn, yea... But I don't wanna get suuueed!
So I'll just hang around n watch towns I pass thru, to take my mind off missing yooou.
And I know in my heart, that I miss my songs from iii-Tunes...You know I do...YEEEEEAAA.
I'm just sitting here....no headphones in my ears... I'm tryin my best to be a man and be stroong.
I'm drivin myself insane wishin I could just press play...
But the truth..re..mains..it's..GONE (My iPod is) GONE...GONE...
my iPods gone...IPOD IS...GONE!
iPod Damita Joe July 12, 2006 - December 19th, 2007. RIP
~Damnit!
Thursday, December 20, 2007
Saturday, December 1, 2007
Lift as we Climb
I've always been an optimist, shying away from those who would have a negative influence in my life. This practice has afforded me many opportunities for which I am eternally blessed. However, to those whom much is given, much is expected.On last Sunday when my phone abruptly interupted the loud whistle blown by the referee in the Football game, I saw O's name appear and I thought he had some SHADE to share with his CEO of...well you know my company. Upon answering I realized that it was lil man from the night before on the phone. Although I slightly remembered what I had offered (yes you guessed it...Damnit was quite bent during that convo at Shawnqt's krib), I was still taken aback by what was being requested of me. I didn't immediately render an affirmative response. On my way home I pondered the idea of having lil man stay in my home. Many thoughts went thru my head but the prevailing thought during my 35 minute drive south on the NJ Turnpike from Lil Dred's crib was "What is God up to?" Here I am on the eve of finally achieving my long awaited departure from 'parent rearing' towards blessed indepence. I drove in silence and had a lil talk with the man upstairs. Interestingly enough I found peace in this conversation for a number of reasons. One, I've been blessed in my life thus far. When my athletic scholarship expired while in college and I had no place to stay, my boy allowed me to bum on his couch for my last year...he was a blessing. I've had an ok (not good per my standards, however, profitable) career since leaving college. The few family members (2) that know of my sexual preference are not all that jubilant about it, but have never gone totally off the deep end although mom dukes has had to withstand multiple verbal armageddons rendered by I. All in all, I can't and refuse to complain.
Lil man and I spoke for about a hour that night and I agreed to take him in. I also spoke to him about my expectations of him and my goals for him. Fact is I want him to succeed and be the MAN that his father does not envision him to be but I KNOW he can become with proper guidance. As a child of God marvelously created in his image, he is destined for greatness! I believe that the adversity lil man has faced in his life thus far brought him to O & I for a reason...for that I am greatful. My prayer is that I can be a positive influence in lil man's life by challenging him to be the strong black man that I believe he can be.
Today I put a deposit on my new apartment in the burbs (city living is for the birds...lol) and with the new year will come renewed independence. February will bring forth a transformation in lil mans destiny. Everyday I plan to challenge him to ACHIEVE in EVERYTHING he puts his mind to. 'He Ain't Heavy' is the title of the picture captioned above... Helping lil man is not a burden in my mind, but a responsibility that I humbly and whole heartedly accept! He is now my son.
O, we've spoken and I've expressed to you that anything within my power that I can do to help you during this transitional period until Feb 1st just ask and I will work it out. I love you ma dude.
~Damnit!
Thursday, November 8, 2007
MAKES ME WANNA HOLLA: Chapter I - Against the World!
(Simultaneously done with hand movements...)
"You and me against the world! Oooooo Right!"
My mother made up that lil nursery rhyme when I was about two years old living in the Bronx. It was our special saying to symbolize our bond and our promiss to each other to face the world united as a family. It provided comfort for me throughout the years as I matured towards the man that I am today, but in retrospect this very rhyme is the cause for all the turmoil and strife in our relationship to this day.
I was kept on a tight leash all throughout my teenage years even after moving to New Jersey and she working in Manhattan to keep a roof over our head. Upon graduating HS I left for college where after my first year a fissure began to form in our relationship. Growing up is a natural progression of life but the problem with single parenthood is the reluctance of the parent to let go. Simularly, as a young adult I sought my independence not only in mind but in spirit as well. Since then I've felt that the world I have fought was moreso represented by the very woman whom birthed me. There have been numerous incidents that bring me to how I feel about her today...
The first incident has to do with my sexuality and how my mother was made aware of it. The man to whom my mother was married to (should've only lasted 6 months to a year per her friends and my estimates...) was an ass hole. No it had nothing to do with some odd rivalry for my mothers affections. My issue with him stemmed around the fact that he TRIED to be my 'father' at a time where one was not needed. He entered the picture when I was 19 so his intrusion into my life was unwarrented and unnecessary. This caused us to continuously argue inadvertently placing my mother in the middle. Rather than be the source of her discontent, I stayed to myself most of the time when I was home from college. However, the second summer home, my disgust for this man and my anger towards him was only solidified. After a heated argument with him over computer usage to which I made it known to him that he was not my father, he decided to go thru my personal belongings where he found incriminating evidence as to my sexual preference on a floppy disk (remember those...?); copied the contents onto another disk and submitted it to my mother for review. The following morning around eight I discovered her on the computer. "What are you doing?" I asked. "(Idiot) said that there's something on this disk that I need to see but I can't find it..." "Let me help" I said and after perusing the files, I noticed that they were my files. I popped out the disk and the disk wasn't mines. I began to delete the files and I told her that I know not what it is she was looking for but these were my files on this disk. Upon furiously returning to my room to the sounds of them arguing, she comes to my room and request to see this disk and ask if I was gay. I told her my property is none of her damn business and that I was bi! I left the house for a week w/out returning ignoring all phone calls. Upon my return he was kicked out of the house...that lasted 2 days. Strike number 1 for her...
A year + more of their turmoltuous relationship caused their marriage to faulter and she put him out the house. At the same time, my mother had been thru multiple lay offs and after the 5th one, she gave up a 20 plus year career to concentrate on her ventures. I was out of school but living at home not having fully established myself as of yet. Contributing, of course...what black parent in America doesn't require their children to contribute to the bills. Plus "You and me against the WORLD..." right? Our relationship has been bad since.
(Fast Forward...)
My mother and I are very much alike and we don't get along well when we live together. Since 2003 I've been forced into two rolls in her life. That of 'husband' when finances are needed and 'son' when she doesn't want to hear or can't bare to hear my views/opinions. I've dealt with her attempted suicide, alone (not the first one...)...and the constant fear and then desensitization to subtile threats to reattempt such an act. The stress of living in the same household prompted me to move out in 2005 only to be begged to move back in a year later to help save the house. This has involved me paying the bulk of a 2K a month mortgage alone (and Captain, refinancing was not an option at this point as it had been done multiple times). I am at my wits end. Due to the personal decisions made by my mother, I have placed my life on hold and lost valuable time all in the spirit of "You and me against the WORLD. Oooooooo Right!".
On yesterday my mother asked "Why do you hate me?" for which I responded "I don't hate you." No I don't hate my mother, I love her very much, however, I detest what our relationship has become! Every word she utters often results in a harsh exchange because I am always on defense. I pray that with her emergence back into Corporate America and my impending move back out of my childhood dwelling in the coming months will revive our once healthy relationship.
~Damnit!
"You and me against the world! Oooooo Right!"
My mother made up that lil nursery rhyme when I was about two years old living in the Bronx. It was our special saying to symbolize our bond and our promiss to each other to face the world united as a family. It provided comfort for me throughout the years as I matured towards the man that I am today, but in retrospect this very rhyme is the cause for all the turmoil and strife in our relationship to this day.
I was kept on a tight leash all throughout my teenage years even after moving to New Jersey and she working in Manhattan to keep a roof over our head. Upon graduating HS I left for college where after my first year a fissure began to form in our relationship. Growing up is a natural progression of life but the problem with single parenthood is the reluctance of the parent to let go. Simularly, as a young adult I sought my independence not only in mind but in spirit as well. Since then I've felt that the world I have fought was moreso represented by the very woman whom birthed me. There have been numerous incidents that bring me to how I feel about her today...
The first incident has to do with my sexuality and how my mother was made aware of it. The man to whom my mother was married to (should've only lasted 6 months to a year per her friends and my estimates...) was an ass hole. No it had nothing to do with some odd rivalry for my mothers affections. My issue with him stemmed around the fact that he TRIED to be my 'father' at a time where one was not needed. He entered the picture when I was 19 so his intrusion into my life was unwarrented and unnecessary. This caused us to continuously argue inadvertently placing my mother in the middle. Rather than be the source of her discontent, I stayed to myself most of the time when I was home from college. However, the second summer home, my disgust for this man and my anger towards him was only solidified. After a heated argument with him over computer usage to which I made it known to him that he was not my father, he decided to go thru my personal belongings where he found incriminating evidence as to my sexual preference on a floppy disk (remember those...?); copied the contents onto another disk and submitted it to my mother for review. The following morning around eight I discovered her on the computer. "What are you doing?" I asked. "(Idiot) said that there's something on this disk that I need to see but I can't find it..." "Let me help" I said and after perusing the files, I noticed that they were my files. I popped out the disk and the disk wasn't mines. I began to delete the files and I told her that I know not what it is she was looking for but these were my files on this disk. Upon furiously returning to my room to the sounds of them arguing, she comes to my room and request to see this disk and ask if I was gay. I told her my property is none of her damn business and that I was bi! I left the house for a week w/out returning ignoring all phone calls. Upon my return he was kicked out of the house...that lasted 2 days. Strike number 1 for her...
A year + more of their turmoltuous relationship caused their marriage to faulter and she put him out the house. At the same time, my mother had been thru multiple lay offs and after the 5th one, she gave up a 20 plus year career to concentrate on her ventures. I was out of school but living at home not having fully established myself as of yet. Contributing, of course...what black parent in America doesn't require their children to contribute to the bills. Plus "You and me against the WORLD..." right? Our relationship has been bad since.
(Fast Forward...)
My mother and I are very much alike and we don't get along well when we live together. Since 2003 I've been forced into two rolls in her life. That of 'husband' when finances are needed and 'son' when she doesn't want to hear or can't bare to hear my views/opinions. I've dealt with her attempted suicide, alone (not the first one...)...and the constant fear and then desensitization to subtile threats to reattempt such an act. The stress of living in the same household prompted me to move out in 2005 only to be begged to move back in a year later to help save the house. This has involved me paying the bulk of a 2K a month mortgage alone (and Captain, refinancing was not an option at this point as it had been done multiple times). I am at my wits end. Due to the personal decisions made by my mother, I have placed my life on hold and lost valuable time all in the spirit of "You and me against the WORLD. Oooooooo Right!".
On yesterday my mother asked "Why do you hate me?" for which I responded "I don't hate you." No I don't hate my mother, I love her very much, however, I detest what our relationship has become! Every word she utters often results in a harsh exchange because I am always on defense. I pray that with her emergence back into Corporate America and my impending move back out of my childhood dwelling in the coming months will revive our once healthy relationship.
~Damnit!
Monday, October 29, 2007
Preface: MAKES ME WANNA HOLLA!!!!!
I've taken a step back as of late to peruse various blogs and the topics offered by different individuals here...commented on many post and presented how I view the topic at hand. My own space has lacked growth due to the absense of credible thoughts worthy enough to scribe to this electronic notepad. I REFUSE to bore people with everything that happens with me everyday especially when I dismiss most of the bull shyt anyway. However, recently I've been inspired to write a couple of post. One of which was inspired by Mr_Jones who wished to peruse the passageways within my mind with respects to Affirmative Action. I relish the opportunity to share with you all my thoughts on this subject and it will be included within the series of blogs to follow. I will make an effort to complete all of the post this week. I look forward to your feedback.
~Damnit!
~Damnit!
Tuesday, October 2, 2007
Roku...And the beat goes on!
Well whould've thunk it? When it all began, I just thought it would be the usual... First month and we're cool. Second month and either he or I would get tired. By the third month I'd be bored and he'd be over my acute personality. Needless to say just this past weekend we've made Roku and flourishing! O YEA! LoL
In case my previous reference has eluded the average reader, my relationships have seldom lasted very long, but this one has past all test thus far. He ignores my overbaring personality when I become an ass hole and I ignore his political views which are usually opposite of mines. Personally I love it! Of all the exciting things happening in my life right now (one of which I won't mention because it's still in the initial stages...stay tuned...), he is probably the most exciting! He calms my spirit. His warmth (mostly HEAT when we sleep) and sensitivity melts the ice that I often form around my heart to protect myself from the ignorant bastards and the insipid debutantes (as some homo's can be whether fem or masc) that roam the Earth. Datz ma Lil Dred!
So for our Roku, he wrote me a poem and outside of a few variations in the words, it's posted on his blog. Said poem was encased not only with glass, but with love to which I say thank you. I am blessed to have you in my life Lil Dred. Cheers to a future of ignoring each other when we're get'n on each others nerves (lol) and continuing to make each other happy day in and day out.
Much Love Lil Dred!
~Damnit!
In case my previous reference has eluded the average reader, my relationships have seldom lasted very long, but this one has past all test thus far. He ignores my overbaring personality when I become an ass hole and I ignore his political views which are usually opposite of mines. Personally I love it! Of all the exciting things happening in my life right now (one of which I won't mention because it's still in the initial stages...stay tuned...), he is probably the most exciting! He calms my spirit. His warmth (mostly HEAT when we sleep) and sensitivity melts the ice that I often form around my heart to protect myself from the ignorant bastards and the insipid debutantes (as some homo's can be whether fem or masc) that roam the Earth. Datz ma Lil Dred!
So for our Roku, he wrote me a poem and outside of a few variations in the words, it's posted on his blog. Said poem was encased not only with glass, but with love to which I say thank you. I am blessed to have you in my life Lil Dred. Cheers to a future of ignoring each other when we're get'n on each others nerves (lol) and continuing to make each other happy day in and day out.
Much Love Lil Dred!
~Damnit!
Friday, September 14, 2007
Word of the Day...History!
Everyday I send a 'Word of the Day' to my friends via text. Sometimes lighthearted and other times inspirational. Lil Dred felt this was a message that others would appreciate as much as he did and so I present to you all...the Word. Enjoy...
Word of the Day...History!
Gone are the days of flashy chains and thangs. Gold ropes were dope but now it's more about givin our young brothaz hope. Train a child in tha way he should go yea I know but where I'm goin the children can't roll. Fall back and pick em up, show them the ropes? I can dig that but will they dig me in my baby blue button down n my manicured Stacy Adams spewing prophetic words? Who knows but we've gotta try to change his story on the streets before our brothaz become history in a blink! One Love!
Happy Friday!
~Damnit!
Word of the Day...History!
Gone are the days of flashy chains and thangs. Gold ropes were dope but now it's more about givin our young brothaz hope. Train a child in tha way he should go yea I know but where I'm goin the children can't roll. Fall back and pick em up, show them the ropes? I can dig that but will they dig me in my baby blue button down n my manicured Stacy Adams spewing prophetic words? Who knows but we've gotta try to change his story on the streets before our brothaz become history in a blink! One Love!
Happy Friday!
~Damnit!
Tuesday, September 11, 2007
The Missing (Deleted) Comment...
**The following is my comment in its entirety that was deleted from the post in question**
(I refuse to loose my religion for the first 2 minutes of my post)
You know, I was really thinking about posting my thoughts about this current situation but hesitated and after some thought decided that it would be best to deal with this outside of this lil website. However, someone has decided to take the bedraggled laundry out to wash it. Hence I'm forced to add some detergent, after which I refuse to speak on this bull shit again!
Yes I did state that I wanted a laptop and yes because your profession involves computers, I asked for your opinion about which one would be best for me. It did not take us 2 days to decide on a machine, it took ONE! However, if you would like to give it TWO or more to increase the BURDEN you felt, fine. I was prepared to apply for credit to purchase said laptop on my own but you offered to use your Dell card because you already had an account. Reluctantly I agreed and did thank you and was grateful. Being responsible, I signed a promisary note and have been keeping as you know track and recepts of the payments I've made to you. Your fucking problem (sorry I tried) is that you don't seem to grasp the concept of a fucking MONEY ORDER!!! As I've explained to you it is a CASH NOTE! If I'm walking down the street and it falls out my pocket and someone picks it up, they can easily write their name on it and take it to a bank, or to a supermarket, or to a 7 eleven (if they accept money orders) and receive CASH IN HAND!!! WHY IS IT THAT YOU DEPOSIT A FUCKING MONEY ORDER INTO YOUR BANK ACCOUNT TO CLEAR IS STILL BEYOND ME! As I told you before when you said you brought it to the teller and she told you that it takes 24 hours to clear, you should promptly request an audience with her Supervisor and then the Branch Manager if that fucker is an idiot too! The reason I did not bring the MONEY ORDER to the party that we went to on Friday, AGAIN, is because I did not want to run the risk of loosing it in transit because as I've said once lost, that's $$$ gone! No going to my bank and saying "Oops" because they won't give a fuck.
Next, I love your time frame for when I brought you the MONEY ORDER but let me inject some FACT into your story. You called me at 12:57 pm and I did say I would bring it to you when I got up. I dropped off the MONEY ORDER at your house at 1:41 pm! LESS THAN A HOUR AFTER WE SPOKE! When I spoke to you at 12:57 pm, you ended the conversation by saying "Ok well I'll be here." So when I showed up LESS THAN AN HOUR LATER to drop off the Money Order, you got mad because I didn't call and stated "What if I weren't here? What if I had left?" Well since it had been less than a hour after I had spoken to you, if you were going to step out, would you not call knowing that you told someone you were gonna be home? Either way, I was not mad because it was a non issue to me. It didn't become a fucking issue until YOU called me 4 minutes at 1:45 bitching as to why I didn't CALL YOU to let you know I was coming. During said conversation where you asked me why do I wait til 3 days before it's due to give you the MONEY ORDER (Imma keep putting that in caps hoping it will stick!) and in your words "You just don't care because it's not your credit!" to which I replied "I would never do anything to fuck up your credit because I know how important credit is."
(Transcript)
BnM- Have you ever had to pay a late payment due to when I've given you the MONEY ORDER?
JB- That's not the point.
BnM- Again, have you ever had to pay a late payment due to when I've given you the MONEY ORDER?
JB- That's not the point BnM
BnM- AGAIN, HAVE YOU EVER HAD TO PAY A LATE PAYMENT JB?
JB- Almost.
BnM- Almost doesn't count. HAVE YOU EVER HAD TO PAY A FUCKING LATE PAYMENT DUE TO WHEN I'VE GIVEN YOU THE MONEY ORDER?
JB- No.
BnM- So what the FUCK is your problem?!
Never the less, at the end of that conversation, I said to you "JB, fine. I will make sure that like rent, on the first of every month until the bill is paid, you will have said MONEY ORDER in your hand. Will that be satisfactory to you?" You said "Yes" and I hung up. Issue resolved.
To me the issue was resolved. When we went out to dinner with our friends you brought it up there and I told you there was nothing to talk about because we resolved it. Two of our friends wanted to know what the problem was and why you were mad at me. I told them because they are...our friends. The night went on...
It wasn't an issue again until your email to my job said "Morning. How are you?" and then in the next paragraph decided that you wanted to rehash the past that had already been resolved. Normally I would not entertain such foolishness but because YOU say that I am 'dismissive' to you and your feelings, I decided to hear you out and to calmly go back and forth with you about an issue that AGAIN had been resolved 2 days prior. The conversation started at 11 when you arrived at work and after 2.5 hours of going back and forth with you not only talking about this issue, but you taking little pot shots at me saying "This is why you don't have friends" and "I hope Lil Dred" (dude I'm dating) "can deal with you" and "hopefully this one will last", my patience had petered after you ended an email with "Make sure you have the money to me early, UNDERSTAND." I am not your fucking child and I do not wish to go back and forth with this childish shit! Unless you have something else to discuss, I WILL NOT engage in ANY conversation concerning this matter PERIOD! And after two and a half hours of going back and forth with you, you ended the convo with "Yes. Dismiss me like you always do!" calling me stubborn and 'pigheaded'. Cool.
I am not nor have I abused you nor your credit as your reference to your Aunt would suggest! I pay the bill and on time (hence no late payments). As I've stated before, you have a personal problem that you need to deal with. I take issue with the fact that you would use this venue to spin your lil sob story. It was a cute read. The issue is closed for me.
The MONEY ORDER will be given to you on the 1st of every month.
GOOD NIGHT!
~Damnit
(I refuse to loose my religion for the first 2 minutes of my post)
You know, I was really thinking about posting my thoughts about this current situation but hesitated and after some thought decided that it would be best to deal with this outside of this lil website. However, someone has decided to take the bedraggled laundry out to wash it. Hence I'm forced to add some detergent, after which I refuse to speak on this bull shit again!
Yes I did state that I wanted a laptop and yes because your profession involves computers, I asked for your opinion about which one would be best for me. It did not take us 2 days to decide on a machine, it took ONE! However, if you would like to give it TWO or more to increase the BURDEN you felt, fine. I was prepared to apply for credit to purchase said laptop on my own but you offered to use your Dell card because you already had an account. Reluctantly I agreed and did thank you and was grateful. Being responsible, I signed a promisary note and have been keeping as you know track and recepts of the payments I've made to you. Your fucking problem (sorry I tried) is that you don't seem to grasp the concept of a fucking MONEY ORDER!!! As I've explained to you it is a CASH NOTE! If I'm walking down the street and it falls out my pocket and someone picks it up, they can easily write their name on it and take it to a bank, or to a supermarket, or to a 7 eleven (if they accept money orders) and receive CASH IN HAND!!! WHY IS IT THAT YOU DEPOSIT A FUCKING MONEY ORDER INTO YOUR BANK ACCOUNT TO CLEAR IS STILL BEYOND ME! As I told you before when you said you brought it to the teller and she told you that it takes 24 hours to clear, you should promptly request an audience with her Supervisor and then the Branch Manager if that fucker is an idiot too! The reason I did not bring the MONEY ORDER to the party that we went to on Friday, AGAIN, is because I did not want to run the risk of loosing it in transit because as I've said once lost, that's $$$ gone! No going to my bank and saying "Oops" because they won't give a fuck.
Next, I love your time frame for when I brought you the MONEY ORDER but let me inject some FACT into your story. You called me at 12:57 pm and I did say I would bring it to you when I got up. I dropped off the MONEY ORDER at your house at 1:41 pm! LESS THAN A HOUR AFTER WE SPOKE! When I spoke to you at 12:57 pm, you ended the conversation by saying "Ok well I'll be here." So when I showed up LESS THAN AN HOUR LATER to drop off the Money Order, you got mad because I didn't call and stated "What if I weren't here? What if I had left?" Well since it had been less than a hour after I had spoken to you, if you were going to step out, would you not call knowing that you told someone you were gonna be home? Either way, I was not mad because it was a non issue to me. It didn't become a fucking issue until YOU called me 4 minutes at 1:45 bitching as to why I didn't CALL YOU to let you know I was coming. During said conversation where you asked me why do I wait til 3 days before it's due to give you the MONEY ORDER (Imma keep putting that in caps hoping it will stick!) and in your words "You just don't care because it's not your credit!" to which I replied "I would never do anything to fuck up your credit because I know how important credit is."
(Transcript)
BnM- Have you ever had to pay a late payment due to when I've given you the MONEY ORDER?
JB- That's not the point.
BnM- Again, have you ever had to pay a late payment due to when I've given you the MONEY ORDER?
JB- That's not the point BnM
BnM- AGAIN, HAVE YOU EVER HAD TO PAY A LATE PAYMENT JB?
JB- Almost.
BnM- Almost doesn't count. HAVE YOU EVER HAD TO PAY A FUCKING LATE PAYMENT DUE TO WHEN I'VE GIVEN YOU THE MONEY ORDER?
JB- No.
BnM- So what the FUCK is your problem?!
Never the less, at the end of that conversation, I said to you "JB, fine. I will make sure that like rent, on the first of every month until the bill is paid, you will have said MONEY ORDER in your hand. Will that be satisfactory to you?" You said "Yes" and I hung up. Issue resolved.
To me the issue was resolved. When we went out to dinner with our friends you brought it up there and I told you there was nothing to talk about because we resolved it. Two of our friends wanted to know what the problem was and why you were mad at me. I told them because they are...our friends. The night went on...
It wasn't an issue again until your email to my job said "Morning. How are you?" and then in the next paragraph decided that you wanted to rehash the past that had already been resolved. Normally I would not entertain such foolishness but because YOU say that I am 'dismissive' to you and your feelings, I decided to hear you out and to calmly go back and forth with you about an issue that AGAIN had been resolved 2 days prior. The conversation started at 11 when you arrived at work and after 2.5 hours of going back and forth with you not only talking about this issue, but you taking little pot shots at me saying "This is why you don't have friends" and "I hope Lil Dred" (dude I'm dating) "can deal with you" and "hopefully this one will last", my patience had petered after you ended an email with "Make sure you have the money to me early, UNDERSTAND." I am not your fucking child and I do not wish to go back and forth with this childish shit! Unless you have something else to discuss, I WILL NOT engage in ANY conversation concerning this matter PERIOD! And after two and a half hours of going back and forth with you, you ended the convo with "Yes. Dismiss me like you always do!" calling me stubborn and 'pigheaded'. Cool.
I am not nor have I abused you nor your credit as your reference to your Aunt would suggest! I pay the bill and on time (hence no late payments). As I've stated before, you have a personal problem that you need to deal with. I take issue with the fact that you would use this venue to spin your lil sob story. It was a cute read. The issue is closed for me.
The MONEY ORDER will be given to you on the 1st of every month.
GOOD NIGHT!
~Damnit
LoL... I Love It!!!
Hmmmmmmmmmm... It would seem that a comment I left on a certain page has been removed by it's administrator... Unfortunate, however it was not unexpected. The truth hurts.
I have saved said comment and will post it on my own blog later this evening for those interested to read.
Jay- in response to your comment, a date of repayment was set up for a year (12 months) of the purchase date stated on the promissary not signed by me and JB. No this note did not state the exact date each month. That was an error. Also, I have money order recepts showing the dates of these Money Orders remitted to JB which will show that they were not all '2-3 days' before the due date. In fact the Money orders are remitted to JB on the 8th which is when he received August 07' and Sept 07'. This can be proven by bank statements and recepts
It was not my intention as I stated in my comment to his blog to post about this or bring friends into it because the issue had been handled. However, a certain individual chooses to air dirty laundry so it is what it is.
Post is forthcoming...
I have saved said comment and will post it on my own blog later this evening for those interested to read.
Jay- in response to your comment, a date of repayment was set up for a year (12 months) of the purchase date stated on the promissary not signed by me and JB. No this note did not state the exact date each month. That was an error. Also, I have money order recepts showing the dates of these Money Orders remitted to JB which will show that they were not all '2-3 days' before the due date. In fact the Money orders are remitted to JB on the 8th which is when he received August 07' and Sept 07'. This can be proven by bank statements and recepts
It was not my intention as I stated in my comment to his blog to post about this or bring friends into it because the issue had been handled. However, a certain individual chooses to air dirty laundry so it is what it is.
Post is forthcoming...
Tuesday, September 4, 2007
Blast from the Past!
The following is a post that I did June 9th of 2006 which is posted on my live journal blog. Just some thoughts I had floating around at the time. Toss it around in ya heads and see what ya'll think...
Nu Beta Alpha - The Self Pledging of my People
Morning LJ. Man it's been a couple months but once again I have been inspired to crawl out of bed in the early hours of the morning to have a lil talk. As always our conversations are a result of something I've experienced in life or recently...this time is no different, except the catalyst for this entry is the dream I've just awaken from.
See I don't know wheither you're familiar with fraternity life LJ. Yea it's all fun and games, mostly business once you're out of school...the pledging. Who was "made" right and who "skated". You gotta love it. LoL don't laugh LJ it's a big deal na mean. I've been fortunate (or unfortunate depending on the day of the week...) enough to have been on both sides of the "made" argument. But interestingly enough, I found that my experiences w/in my own frat closely parallel's my experiences as a young black man growing up in this great country which brings me to this hypothesis: We as African Americans pledge each other each and every day.
I was having a political conversation with one of my roommates some time ago which somehow ventured off into our own personal experiences growing up. Who's experience was easier, what we went thru and so forth. And in the heat of battle (as I affectionately call all my debates), I made the comparison of the Black American's Experience to one big Fraternity. See, if your parents worked hard, did the right thing, got an education and did right by their offspring, well their children would be considered to have had a 'silver spoon' (or bronze in my case...lol). If your parents went thru some kind of adversity perceived to be greater than the next individual, then they are more real. It goes towards this question in Fraternity lingo of being 'Made' or 'Skate'n'. See if you're 'MADE', that means you pledged HARD LJ. You been thru some shyt, you know ya shyt! But if you 'Skated', you ain't been thru shyt...paid a couple dollars to wear the letters. You might say Hmmmmmmmm.
LJ, I propose we give this black American fraternal experience a rightful name since the simularities are so stark. Nu Beta Alpha. Here I'll break it down as such. See our ancestors were brought to this country and called Nigger's. Forced into servitude for hundreds of years. Back then, everybody was 'made' right! Well except for the house negro but to an extent they were made as well. In the early 1900's we came into our own and became more than niggers and negros...we became Black. A state of awareness of self; of the lies that were being taught by our former slave masters and the truth that could be extracted from their behavior towards us. Currently we are (or strive to be) African Americans. No longer (to an extent) succeptable to the lies and corruption of those that onece oppressed us in the past. The transition thru these stages has been long.
What I find interesting about Nu Beta Alpha is that we have taken control of the organization and turned it on ourselves. Kinda like kids/young adults running around affectionately calling each other 'niggas'. For those of us that are striving to be better than our ancestors, to do exceedingly well, and in turn succeed...well somehow it's a fluke or we had it easy. Even if our past is littered with trials and tribulations, once we've overcome those, it's like we were never 'MADE' right. Somehow that 'MADE' status is lost or striken from us by those who have not MADE it yet. Again this is self inflicted now days because I personally believe that for all the grief and strife we put on each other about what the 'white man does', they honestly don't pay us any mind. They are more inclined to let us dismantle and destroy our own communities. Have we...has Nu Beta Alpha become so strong and prevalent in our community that we are actually doing what they have wanted to do over the century's but were unable to do? Nu Beta Alpha has been alive and strong much longer than any of the Divine Nine (especially the Iota's...ewwwwwww lol) who are just beginning to celebrate their centennial. Do we as a people continue to use our fraternity as a means to divide and conquor ourselves for eternity or a means to build each other up and make ourselves stronger? I don't know the answer to that LJ. Even within my own fraternity, the animosity between those who were 'MADE' and those who 'Skated' is so deep, it's hard to fathem how the organization has survived this long. A songwritter once said "I've come this far by faith! And it is faith that will lead me on!" So hence, my heart tells me that faith in my people will continue to lead all of us to a better place. I guess only time will tell LJ. Until next time... ~1~
Nu Beta Alpha - The Self Pledging of my People
Morning LJ. Man it's been a couple months but once again I have been inspired to crawl out of bed in the early hours of the morning to have a lil talk. As always our conversations are a result of something I've experienced in life or recently...this time is no different, except the catalyst for this entry is the dream I've just awaken from.
See I don't know wheither you're familiar with fraternity life LJ. Yea it's all fun and games, mostly business once you're out of school...the pledging. Who was "made" right and who "skated". You gotta love it. LoL don't laugh LJ it's a big deal na mean. I've been fortunate (or unfortunate depending on the day of the week...) enough to have been on both sides of the "made" argument. But interestingly enough, I found that my experiences w/in my own frat closely parallel's my experiences as a young black man growing up in this great country which brings me to this hypothesis: We as African Americans pledge each other each and every day.
I was having a political conversation with one of my roommates some time ago which somehow ventured off into our own personal experiences growing up. Who's experience was easier, what we went thru and so forth. And in the heat of battle (as I affectionately call all my debates), I made the comparison of the Black American's Experience to one big Fraternity. See, if your parents worked hard, did the right thing, got an education and did right by their offspring, well their children would be considered to have had a 'silver spoon' (or bronze in my case...lol). If your parents went thru some kind of adversity perceived to be greater than the next individual, then they are more real. It goes towards this question in Fraternity lingo of being 'Made' or 'Skate'n'. See if you're 'MADE', that means you pledged HARD LJ. You been thru some shyt, you know ya shyt! But if you 'Skated', you ain't been thru shyt...paid a couple dollars to wear the letters. You might say Hmmmmmmmm.
LJ, I propose we give this black American fraternal experience a rightful name since the simularities are so stark. Nu Beta Alpha. Here I'll break it down as such. See our ancestors were brought to this country and called Nigger's. Forced into servitude for hundreds of years. Back then, everybody was 'made' right! Well except for the house negro but to an extent they were made as well. In the early 1900's we came into our own and became more than niggers and negros...we became Black. A state of awareness of self; of the lies that were being taught by our former slave masters and the truth that could be extracted from their behavior towards us. Currently we are (or strive to be) African Americans. No longer (to an extent) succeptable to the lies and corruption of those that onece oppressed us in the past. The transition thru these stages has been long.
What I find interesting about Nu Beta Alpha is that we have taken control of the organization and turned it on ourselves. Kinda like kids/young adults running around affectionately calling each other 'niggas'. For those of us that are striving to be better than our ancestors, to do exceedingly well, and in turn succeed...well somehow it's a fluke or we had it easy. Even if our past is littered with trials and tribulations, once we've overcome those, it's like we were never 'MADE' right. Somehow that 'MADE' status is lost or striken from us by those who have not MADE it yet. Again this is self inflicted now days because I personally believe that for all the grief and strife we put on each other about what the 'white man does', they honestly don't pay us any mind. They are more inclined to let us dismantle and destroy our own communities. Have we...has Nu Beta Alpha become so strong and prevalent in our community that we are actually doing what they have wanted to do over the century's but were unable to do? Nu Beta Alpha has been alive and strong much longer than any of the Divine Nine (especially the Iota's...ewwwwwww lol) who are just beginning to celebrate their centennial. Do we as a people continue to use our fraternity as a means to divide and conquor ourselves for eternity or a means to build each other up and make ourselves stronger? I don't know the answer to that LJ. Even within my own fraternity, the animosity between those who were 'MADE' and those who 'Skated' is so deep, it's hard to fathem how the organization has survived this long. A songwritter once said "I've come this far by faith! And it is faith that will lead me on!" So hence, my heart tells me that faith in my people will continue to lead all of us to a better place. I guess only time will tell LJ. Until next time... ~1~
Friday, August 24, 2007
Revelation...
The door was swung open. The conversation began so simple. We left work... Walked...talked... Boyz passed by (and it seems like everytime I'm with this chick I always see the cutest boyz!). (Excuse the pause but I just finished pleasuring my man...lol)...
Ok, enough of the pleasentries...I finially did it. I've been talking about it for weeks and today on the 24th of August 2007 I finally told my down ass coworker that I get down. How did she take it you ask? Well great actually. How did it happen you may ask? Well I didn't really know what to say. I mean she had taken me thru the intricacies of her dull sexual str8 existence and in a moment of pause I did what any other DL (closeted) dude would do... I sent her a text message. LMAO. Simply put "I wanna tell you something. N don't be all loud Bitch. I'm Bisexual." were my words. I mean I felt she'd be more receptive to that than me saying I'm all out gay. But am I all out gay (Forget the gay sex I just had. That's for another post...lol)? Anywho, she took it very well. She was the fag hag that I'd envisioned her to be. Of course (That's two words btw...) the questions ensued. "What, when, where, how, why?" I answered them in true ~Damnit fashion... "Yes. Now. Everywhere Easily, Because I can. " LoL (As ma nikka coughs in the background... I told him to get under the covers...lol). I honestly don't mind the questions cause I'm well equipted to answer any question posed to me. All n all, it went well. She will be my lil fag hag (no I'm not a fag but nothing else fits...lol)
Interestingly enough, I think she is my antonym. Her attitudinal disposition isn't congruent to mines. She's a liberal democrat (like ma dude), however, a very passionate and driven soul. In other words 'intrigiung'...just my flavor. She wants to have a baby...so do I. Complicated as it may be (No not sexually) I think down the road we may broach that subject but for now I think she's gotten enough info. Anyone that knows me knows that I give you just enough n no more... Shade is I began this summer with the mission of gaining a lesbien friend. A failed proposition but I've seemed to aquired an accepting str8 counterpart. I love her...she is my friend (Now I sound like Tyson...LMAO). In any case, who knows. I may be having a baby! Who want's to be the God Father? LoL.
My baby coughs and I must comfort him... I'll holla.
In my Lifetime...
~Damnit!
Ok, enough of the pleasentries...I finially did it. I've been talking about it for weeks and today on the 24th of August 2007 I finally told my down ass coworker that I get down. How did she take it you ask? Well great actually. How did it happen you may ask? Well I didn't really know what to say. I mean she had taken me thru the intricacies of her dull sexual str8 existence and in a moment of pause I did what any other DL (closeted) dude would do... I sent her a text message. LMAO. Simply put "I wanna tell you something. N don't be all loud Bitch. I'm Bisexual." were my words. I mean I felt she'd be more receptive to that than me saying I'm all out gay. But am I all out gay (Forget the gay sex I just had. That's for another post...lol)? Anywho, she took it very well. She was the fag hag that I'd envisioned her to be. Of course (That's two words btw...) the questions ensued. "What, when, where, how, why?" I answered them in true ~Damnit fashion... "Yes. Now. Everywhere Easily, Because I can. " LoL (As ma nikka coughs in the background... I told him to get under the covers...lol). I honestly don't mind the questions cause I'm well equipted to answer any question posed to me. All n all, it went well. She will be my lil fag hag (no I'm not a fag but nothing else fits...lol)
Interestingly enough, I think she is my antonym. Her attitudinal disposition isn't congruent to mines. She's a liberal democrat (like ma dude), however, a very passionate and driven soul. In other words 'intrigiung'...just my flavor. She wants to have a baby...so do I. Complicated as it may be (No not sexually) I think down the road we may broach that subject but for now I think she's gotten enough info. Anyone that knows me knows that I give you just enough n no more... Shade is I began this summer with the mission of gaining a lesbien friend. A failed proposition but I've seemed to aquired an accepting str8 counterpart. I love her...she is my friend (Now I sound like Tyson...LMAO). In any case, who knows. I may be having a baby! Who want's to be the God Father? LoL.
My baby coughs and I must comfort him... I'll holla.
In my Lifetime...
~Damnit!
Sunday, August 12, 2007
Fire On The Island!
Early morning folks! So yea today me and my boyz (the ones that weren't scared of the sun) went to Fire Island and had a fantastic time! The dudes were wearing what they wear. The females were showing their tits. It was lovely. I flirted a bit. Ok I flirted alot! LMAO. And my ego was stroked by this dude that came up to all of us (it was 9 of us) and said "Are any of these dudes your bf?" to which I answered no. Then he said "Ok kool. Can I take a picture with you?" So we took a picture. Yea he was cute so I ain't mind, however, he was no where as sexy as my baby. I wish he was there with me today. Imma see him later today and I truly miss him. This is the first time we have not seen each other for a whole weekend since we've been talking and although I was a lil excited to be 'free', I realize that I'd rather be shackled for part of the weekend than to not see him at all for a whole weeked!!! It's all good tho. *Sing'n* It's so good...love'n somebody, when somebody loves you back! LoL.
Well this is a short post but it's mad late/early and I need to migrate towards my plush full side Sealy Poster Peadic (if that's how you spell it...lol). 1 hUneT
~Damnit
Well this is a short post but it's mad late/early and I need to migrate towards my plush full side Sealy Poster Peadic (if that's how you spell it...lol). 1 hUneT
~Damnit
Monday, August 6, 2007
Genesis: So Amazing!
No ceremony. No introductions. My personality and the patterns of my thoughts will surface thru my forthcoming entries. Drawing on nothing else but spontanious thought, I will scribe these words to this lil blog thingy and in true 'Damnit' fashion, let those that read it take it or leave it. Having said that, I present to you...Genesis!
Friends... Ya know, I'm a very socialble person but I've never had many people whom I were 'friends' with. For those that know me, know that I'm hardly reserved and seldom do I have a problem expressing my affection or disdain towards you. For this reason I have had many people who didn't care for me AT ALL. Conversely, I have people who find my cander refreshing and value my opion...even if they are on the receiving end of my comments. Undoubtibly my personality and temperment scare many away, however, for those brave souls who remain intrigued find that beneathe this hard shell lies a caring and real individual. It is those few, those proud, those kool ass individuals whom I call friends.
Love... Love is interesting to me. I can tell you want my definition of love is. I can see it, feel it, taste it, envision what it should and could be having not truely been encapsulated by it's warmth and tranquility. I am currently dating someone and things are going good. I'm not one of these people that get all consumed in someone not realizing their flaws and yes, he has his as I have mines. But the wonderful thing about taking the time to get to know someone is that you learn more about those flaws...idiosyncrasies if you will. I've made numerous hasty decisions in the past with respects to love. Considering I am for all intensive purposes still single...well talking to someone (does that technically still make me single in a way...? Hmmm...probably not. Another thought for another blog...), I would say that I wish to not revisit those failed love experiences. So for my friends who will undoubtably read this lil entry if for no other reason but curiosity, for the 12th time NO WE ARE NOT OFFICIAL YET!!! LoL. When it happens, we will direct ya'll to our registry and ya'll can buy us gifts. LoL.
Alcohol... Hmmmmm how to approach this one...? Wait a minute, I'm Damnit! I'll approach it the good ol "Damnit" way. I drink and I like it! There I said it! LoL. Naw but on the real, people have expressed in their own subtle way that I drink a lot to which I respond "Imma social drinker. I just happen to be more social then everyone else." Ya know, when I was younger, I was the worst. Drinking, throwing up all over the place, just a mess. One thing I've learned is that the purpose of drinking is not to get drunk cause you miss out on things. To that end, drinking is sort of like a pastime to me that I engage in responsibly. Now I won't sit here and say that there haven't been those times where I may have had one too many, however, it can be said that I always have my wits about me. But it's all good. I'm quitting soon! LoL.
Well I believe that's all for now. I will try to be more assiduous in updating this lil blog thing. I think my goal with this thing is to allow peeps to see the other side of my personality that is normally not on display during the social gatherings. This is the dawn of a new era on this blog. I've arrived and I'm SOOOOOOOOOO Amazing!
Cheers,
Damnit!
Friends... Ya know, I'm a very socialble person but I've never had many people whom I were 'friends' with. For those that know me, know that I'm hardly reserved and seldom do I have a problem expressing my affection or disdain towards you. For this reason I have had many people who didn't care for me AT ALL. Conversely, I have people who find my cander refreshing and value my opion...even if they are on the receiving end of my comments. Undoubtibly my personality and temperment scare many away, however, for those brave souls who remain intrigued find that beneathe this hard shell lies a caring and real individual. It is those few, those proud, those kool ass individuals whom I call friends.
Love... Love is interesting to me. I can tell you want my definition of love is. I can see it, feel it, taste it, envision what it should and could be having not truely been encapsulated by it's warmth and tranquility. I am currently dating someone and things are going good. I'm not one of these people that get all consumed in someone not realizing their flaws and yes, he has his as I have mines. But the wonderful thing about taking the time to get to know someone is that you learn more about those flaws...idiosyncrasies if you will. I've made numerous hasty decisions in the past with respects to love. Considering I am for all intensive purposes still single...well talking to someone (does that technically still make me single in a way...? Hmmm...probably not. Another thought for another blog...), I would say that I wish to not revisit those failed love experiences. So for my friends who will undoubtably read this lil entry if for no other reason but curiosity, for the 12th time NO WE ARE NOT OFFICIAL YET!!! LoL. When it happens, we will direct ya'll to our registry and ya'll can buy us gifts. LoL.
Alcohol... Hmmmmm how to approach this one...? Wait a minute, I'm Damnit! I'll approach it the good ol "Damnit" way. I drink and I like it! There I said it! LoL. Naw but on the real, people have expressed in their own subtle way that I drink a lot to which I respond "Imma social drinker. I just happen to be more social then everyone else." Ya know, when I was younger, I was the worst. Drinking, throwing up all over the place, just a mess. One thing I've learned is that the purpose of drinking is not to get drunk cause you miss out on things. To that end, drinking is sort of like a pastime to me that I engage in responsibly. Now I won't sit here and say that there haven't been those times where I may have had one too many, however, it can be said that I always have my wits about me. But it's all good. I'm quitting soon! LoL.
Well I believe that's all for now. I will try to be more assiduous in updating this lil blog thing. I think my goal with this thing is to allow peeps to see the other side of my personality that is normally not on display during the social gatherings. This is the dawn of a new era on this blog. I've arrived and I'm SOOOOOOOOOO Amazing!
Cheers,
Damnit!
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