I find that the convoluted valuation with regards to the importance of sex and or intimacy w/in the gay lifestyle puzzling. Personally, I just don't understand how some people can mitigate the importance of sex in a relationship or life in general...it boggles the mind. Granted, sex isn't everything, however, it is important and can make or break a relationship.
For many moons (I won't venture to proclaim the number of years I've engaged in this lifestyle) I've conversed with individuals that proudly say that sex is "overrated". A friend and I got into such a discussion on today and I was flabbergasted at the idea that you can have a long term relationship void of intimacy or sex. Intimacy/sex plays a major roll in a partnership and if one party is not 'sexual', where does that leave the other party? Everyone wants to be wanted/desired both mentally and physically. If you want a 'friendship' type of relationship, why not just be friends. Hang out, go to the movies, dinner, etc...and be 'friends', however, to be with me on a lover level, I believe sex is important. I have a friend who was in a long term relationship for a half decade and didn't have that deep bond that would have been garnered thru intimacy because they didn't engage in sex. When they did, it was usually with a third party. The relationship proved to be tasking and ultimately faultered because the individuals didn't have that deep connection. Allow me to retort, great 'friends', failed lovers.
All that said, do you agree with the idea that sex is overrated...? Could you be in a sexless relationship? Just to be clear, my reference to a 'relationship' is in the context of lovers, not 'friends/associates'. Have you ever been in a 'sexless relationship' and how did that experience work for you? I generally don't do solicitation and response post but I await your comments and will go against my self imposed rule and respond after gathering a varying of opinions.
One luv!
~Damnit!
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it's funny that i see you posted about this because i was having a conversation with a friend of mine the other day about this very topic.
sex/intimacy to me is as important in a relationship as is communication or trust or honesty. the media and society have, over the years, painted sex as some deviant, strictly physical act that is only about getting that nutt. sex is, and always has been, for me, a very spiritually connecting institution that i look forward to fully engage in with in my next relationship. you learn so much about your partner, about the person you love based on the intimacy garnered by such an activity.
granted everyone, well that's not an accurate statement, but generally speaking, in this day and age, a lot of people have gone the strictly "physical" route when engaging in sex which then, i feel, for some people, distorts their ability to separate that type of sexual activity to the one that occurs with in the partnership of a relationship.
With sex in a relationship comes a maturity that can only be acquired through, in my opinion, communication. There will have to come a point in one's relationship where they no longer just view their partner as a physical being, but as a spiritual entity that they want to further be connected to, and what better way to heighten that connection that through intimacy and sex.
i do not think sex is overrated, if anything, i feel as though it is grossly underrated and misrepresented to suit the agendas of dated doctrines and traditions that i don't think work for everyone that certain people and groups try to impose them on. we as a society are not properly explained sex, but in a very clinical manner, which, then forces so many people to only view sex as simply that.
there are so many colors to intimacy and sex...so many variations and feelings and emotions that come with connecting to souls and bodies together as one and so for me..looking at sex and intimacy in such black and white terms is growing increasingly impossible.
hope that answers your question from my standpoint.
Honestly, sex is important...but is a deal breaker? No.
When you take the proper steps to build relationships based on romance, you develop cares and concerns that penetrate deeper than sex. I think you're confusing sex and intimacy. They're two completely different things all together. They're similar and can be misconstrued, but different indeed.
Imagine it like this - you're in a relationship with a guy. You're intimate and having sex and you've been together for 2 years. He gets paralyzed and can't feel anything from the waste down to his legs. What do you do? Do you dump someone you love just because they can't have sex? Sure, the two of you can still be intimate - just no sex. So, what happens?
I think when you take a look at that fundamental scenario and place replace the characters with you and who you're dating, you get a much better perspective of just how incredibly minute the issue of sex can become. Although, you know what? If one isn't one of maturity, then all I've said would probably make no sense whatsoever.
Interested in hearing others',
-DTW
my question darius, for you is, what do you consider intimacy? do you consider sex to be a sub-section of that or is it simply just an act?
I think the best sex that I ever had was when I was involved with someone and it was an expression of what I felt for that person rather than just trying to get a nut. Yes sex is important but it should be the result of bring In a relationship and not the reason for having one.
I truly believe that sex/intimacy is very important in a relationship intimacy and quality time spent together makes a relationship stronger, but sex allows us to express out love or feelings in a way that can not be expressed otherwise. Is sex over rated? No.
I have to agree with darius on this one. I believe a lot of us are confusing sex and intimacy. As much as I enjoy sex and believe that it is a part of a relationship, I do believe it is overrated. Intimacy is more important because it can last long after the ability to perform has gone away. Intimacy should be the bond that holds a relationship together, that should be how you show each other you are in love. Sex is just a part of intimacy like kissing, remembering your mates favorite flower, surprising them with a special gift, but we make sex, at times, the glue of our relationship and is the reason why so many of us are in empty relationships. Just my thought.
I have many thoughts on this, but I will come back with them, right now You have been Awarded the Honest Blogger Award, see my blog for details.
I think that SEX is important, but sex can be as much or as little as the partners would like. There is always going to be variations of that over the years.
What should always be staple in the relationship is intimacy, kissing, hugging, and just general physical interaction.
@ OSN - I absolutely agree. See as I've matured, I've grown to detest empty sex. It's much better when there is some kind of connection. What I don't get is peeps in a relationship void of sex. Yikes, I'd die! LoL.
@ Darius - See at that point you're really talking more about 'love', not sex. Let's be clear, my post leans more towards this notion that a person "just doesn't like sex". You know like a person that says "I'm just not a sexual person". Well I am, thanks! LoL.
@ Curious - Absolutely!!! Relationships with sex as it's foundation by definition is a 'jump'. LoL.
@ Chet - Ditto!
@ Jay - I personally think that sex and intamacy go hand n hand in a relationship. Well a relationship based on proper values at least.
@ YB&DL - Damn and I though I was gonna be nominated as this months ass hole. Better luck next year LoL.
@ Shawnqt - Agreed, but when you get to kissing and hugging me, my lil buddy (I call'em Paul...hehe) likes to be kissed and hugged too. So yea intimacy is cute, but don't tease Paul. LoL.
~Damnit!
I dont know about "sex", but, I think that intimacy is VERY important...If you can be intimate with your guy (or whoever), then they may is well just be your friend.
;-)
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